Talent Attraction

Continuing Professional Development throughout Life

September 15, 2020

As a professional, parent, spouse, friend, and family member, I never put a priority on my personal development. I was just going through the motions. I was fortunate to have a wonderful family, friends, job, and network, but something was missing. I felt like I was just in the hamster wheel. As I reflected, I could see that this went back as far as I could remember during my career. I was always good about exceeding my goals, being a team player, servicing my clients, making money, and providing for my family, but I never focused on myself.

In the summer of 2013 it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt lost and anxious. I am not sure what happened or why it happened, but I am glad it did. First, I went looking for answers. “What is wrong with me? Am I sick? Why do I feel this way?” I went to several doctors; I went to therapy; I even tried hypnosis. Over the next few years I was still functioning, thriving in my career, and raising my family. I was getting it done but only those closest to me knew that I was struggling.

Honestly, I just felt this was normal and how it was supposed to be as a working mom. My self-confidence was shot, I was tired and felt unfulfilled. Again, the never-ending hamster wheel. I always thought once I get through XYZ, once my kids hit this milestone, once I get through volunteering for this, once I hit the next goal, etc. things would calm down and it would be different.  I blamed it on my type “A” personality but it was never any different.

As I reflected, things started to become clearer. I needed to focus on myself.

My internal transformation started at the end of 2017. I am involved in a professional association, SIM, the Society for Information Management. They offer a 9-month intensive leadership development course called RLF: Regional Leadership Forum, Leadership for Life. Part of the curriculum was reading thirty books, doing multiple projects and various presentations to the rest of the group…yikes! I might be in a business development role, but truth be told, I am terrified of presenting in front of a large group.

Two key people kept pushing me to go for a scholarship in the program. My first response was, “The timing just isn’t right. I’ll consider it after my oldest daughter starts college.” They both had the same answer, “There will never be a right time. Now is the right time.” One of them completed the program while going through cancer treatment so I knew I had no excuse. I took their advice and am forever thankful that I did.

For me it was a life changing experience. I learned so much about myself and started the process of accepting me for who I am. I can always strive to improve, but I began learning not to beat myself up. I still do this today, but I am aware, and reel myself back in. I learned that self-improvement is ongoing and something that I can always work on.

While participating in the program, I also visited a childhood friend who happens to be a personal and leadership coach. I went to spend the weekend with her while traveling for one of my daughter’s dance competitions and I never could have imagined the impact that weekend would have on me. She introduced me to meditation and a balance wheel exercise. Now instead of looking for causes and excuses for how I am feeling, I focus on self-reflection, personal development, and meditating.

Fast forward to several months ago. Although personal development has been something I have continued to focus on, I felt I needed a refresher and took a self-acceptance workshop this past month. I also attended a free webinar that my professional coach friend was holding for women leaders. These really helped me refocus my efforts on my continued personal development journey. The timing could not have been better, especially with the stress of the pandemic over the last 6 months. I realized that focusing on my personal development has made me much stronger and resilient during this time.

There can be a financial cost to personal development but there are also many free and low-cost options available. One of the best is having a circle of people you can talk to, listen to, and learn from. I have found this through my husband, a few friends, and some professional colleagues. Meditation is a great tool as well. Living in a busy world and working in a competitive industry, it really helps me to calm my mind. There are many apps, and some are free. I’ll list a few resources at the end of the article.

Below I have shared some of the key things I have learned along the way. Hopefully having the list will help someone else out there. It helps me to have written it down.

What I now know, is by focusing on myself, I ultimately am a better mom, wife, daughter, friend, employee and co-worker.

  • Focus on the positive and not the negative.
  • Learn to be a good listener. Try active listening. Don’t listen to respond, listen to listen.
  • I am not my Someone once told me, Kill the ANTS. Avoid Negative Thinking (Negative Self Talk).
  • Look at the big picture. When frustrated, hurt or angry, realize this is not about me. I cannot focus on what I cannot control.
  • Never be afraid to be vulnerable.
  • Be empathetic.
  • Find time for the things that are important to you.
  • Understand the things that trigger me. Be aware. Reflect, don’t react.
  • Be more present. Live in the present.
  • Stop Apologizing (unless it is truly warranted).
  • Practice responding instead of reacting.
  • Keep a journal.
  • There is no such thing as failure if I learn something.
  • Don’t be quick to judge (myself and or others).
  • Be self-aware.
  • Be a continual learner.
  • Forgive myself.
  • Be compassionate to myself and others.
  • Don’t be afraid to be honest.
  • Take time to slow down and reflect.
  • Take credit and accept compliments.
  • Most importantly be self-accepting!

I could go on and on. The key takeaway is to find time to focus on yourself. It will help you in both your personal and professional life.

Reference:

Resources:

Susan Howells, Business Development Director – IT

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As a professional, parent, spouse, friend, and family member, I never put a priority on my personal development. I was just going through the motions. I was fortunate to have a wonderful family, friends, job, and network, but something was missing. I felt like I was just in the hamster wheel. As I reflected, I could see that this went back as far as I could remember during my career. I was always good about exceeding my goals, being a team player, servicing my clients, making money, and providing for my family, but I never focused on myself.

In the summer of 2013 it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt lost and anxious. I am not sure what happened or why it happened, but I am glad it did. First, I went looking for answers. “What is wrong with me? Am I sick? Why do I feel this way?” I went to several doctors; I went to therapy; I even tried hypnosis. Over the next few years I was still functioning, thriving in my career, and raising my family. I was getting it done but only those closest to me knew that I was struggling.

Honestly, I just felt this was normal and how it was supposed to be as a working mom. My self-confidence was shot, I was tired and felt unfulfilled. Again, the never-ending hamster wheel. I always thought once I get through XYZ, once my kids hit this milestone, once I get through volunteering for this, once I hit the next goal, etc. things would calm down and it would be different.  I blamed it on my type "A" personality but it was never any different.

As I reflected, things started to become clearer. I needed to focus on myself.

My internal transformation started at the end of 2017. I am involved in a professional association, SIM, the Society for Information Management. They offer a 9-month intensive leadership development course called RLF: Regional Leadership Forum, Leadership for Life. Part of the curriculum was reading thirty books, doing multiple projects and various presentations to the rest of the group...yikes! I might be in a business development role, but truth be told, I am terrified of presenting in front of a large group.

Two key people kept pushing me to go for a scholarship in the program. My first response was, “The timing just isn’t right. I'll consider it after my oldest daughter starts college.” They both had the same answer, “There will never be a right time. Now is the right time.” One of them completed the program while going through cancer treatment so I knew I had no excuse. I took their advice and am forever thankful that I did.

For me it was a life changing experience. I learned so much about myself and started the process of accepting me for who I am. I can always strive to improve, but I began learning not to beat myself up. I still do this today, but I am aware, and reel myself back in. I learned that self-improvement is ongoing and something that I can always work on.

While participating in the program, I also visited a childhood friend who happens to be a personal and leadership coach. I went to spend the weekend with her while traveling for one of my daughter's dance competitions and I never could have imagined the impact that weekend would have on me. She introduced me to meditation and a balance wheel exercise. Now instead of looking for causes and excuses for how I am feeling, I focus on self-reflection, personal development, and meditating.

Fast forward to several months ago. Although personal development has been something I have continued to focus on, I felt I needed a refresher and took a self-acceptance workshop this past month. I also attended a free webinar that my professional coach friend was holding for women leaders. These really helped me refocus my efforts on my continued personal development journey. The timing could not have been better, especially with the stress of the pandemic over the last 6 months. I realized that focusing on my personal development has made me much stronger and resilient during this time.

There can be a financial cost to personal development but there are also many free and low-cost options available. One of the best is having a circle of people you can talk to, listen to, and learn from. I have found this through my husband, a few friends, and some professional colleagues. Meditation is a great tool as well. Living in a busy world and working in a competitive industry, it really helps me to calm my mind. There are many apps, and some are free. I'll list a few resources at the end of the article.

Below I have shared some of the key things I have learned along the way. Hopefully having the list will help someone else out there. It helps me to have written it down.

What I now know, is by focusing on myself, I ultimately am a better mom, wife, daughter, friend, employee and co-worker.

    
 	
  • Focus on the positive and not the negative.
    • 
 	
  • Learn to be a good listener. Try active listening. Don't listen to respond, listen to listen.
    • 
 	
  • I am not my Someone once told me, Kill the ANTS. Avoid Negative Thinking (Negative Self Talk).
    • 
 	
  • Look at the big picture. When frustrated, hurt or angry, realize this is not about me. I cannot focus on what I cannot control.
    • 
 	
  • Never be afraid to be vulnerable.
    • 
 	
  • Be empathetic.
    • 
 	
  • Find time for the things that are important to you.
    • 
 	
  • Understand the things that trigger me. Be aware. Reflect, don't react.
    • 
 	
  • Be more present. Live in the present.
    • 
 	
  • Stop Apologizing (unless it is truly warranted).
    • 
 	
  • Practice responding instead of reacting.
    • 
 	
  • Keep a journal.
    • 
 	
  • There is no such thing as failure if I learn something.
    • 
 	
  • Don't be quick to judge (myself and or others).
    • 
 	
  • Be self-aware.
    • 
 	
  • Be a continual learner.
    • 
 	
  • Forgive myself.
    • 
 	
  • Be compassionate to myself and others.
    • 
 	
  • Don’t be afraid to be honest.
    • 
 	
  • Take time to slow down and reflect.
    • 
 	
  • Take credit and accept compliments.
    • 
 	
  • Most importantly be self-accepting!
    • 


I could go on and on. The key takeaway is to find time to focus on yourself. It will help you in both your personal and professional life.

Reference:

Resources:

[caption id="attachment_188" align="alignleft" width="375"] Susan Howells, Business Development Director - IT[/caption]
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